


of dangling meat & long poles

by lunarins



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, M/M, because miya 4 lives rent free in my head, brooklyn 99 jokes, immature high school idiots, just really bad sex jokes because ~ teens ~, sakuatsu if you squint, sunaosa's hobby is clowning atsumu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27495127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunarins/pseuds/lunarins
Summary: “Your dick name is Fuck Pole.”aka Suna Rintarou, collector of fine memes.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu & Miya Osamu & Suna Rintarou, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Comments: 19
Kudos: 156
Collections: SunaOsa





	of dangling meat & long poles

**Author's Note:**

> sometimes you procrastinate writing by writing smth else. 
> 
> happy sunaosa day ~

“Giant tool.”

Osamu perks up from where he’s sitting on Suna’s back, leaning over to rest his chin on his shoulder. “What were you saying ‘bout ‘Tsumu?”

Suna snickers, pulling his attention away from his phone to peck his boyfriend on the cheek. “Nothing that isn’t true,” he murmurs. Osamu smiles fondly back at him.

“Haha, very funny,” Atsumu’s voice cuts in, dripping with sarcasm. He walks into the room with a bag of chips tucked under an arm and a frown on his face. “Is it clown Atsumu day today?”

“Isn’t that everyday?” Suna shoots back innocently.

Atsumu opens his mouth and closes it with a flush, opting to stick his tongue out childishly at them when a clever comeback evades him. (He does that more often than he’d like to admit.) They’re hanging out in the twins’ bedroom, Atsumu sitting on his bunk, legs dangling from the sides as he throws the occasional chip down into his brother’s waiting mouth. Suna and Osamu have taken refuge on the floor; Suna lying on his stomach, idly scrolling through his twitter feed for memes as his boyfriend straddles his back, fingers digging out knots in his shoulders.

“You know Rin, if you correct yer posture, yer shoulders would probably stop hurtin’ all the time,” Osamu tells Suna as he feels the muscles resist the pressure of his thumbs. He presses a bit harder and smiles with satisfaction as the muscles yield and relaxes to his touch.

Suna hums. “But then I won’t get massages anymore.” He zooms in on a photo on his phone. “Oh. Dangling... Meat.” Suna wrinkles his nose distastefully. “‘Samu, you’re Fuck Pole.”

Osamu frowns, fingers digging in harder. “Imma what now?”

“Your dick name is Fuck Pole.” Suna lifts his phone up and Osamu stops massaging, rolling off the other boy so that they’re lying side by side on the floor. It’s one of those memes that Suna is oddly fond of, where the first letter of your first name and the first letter of your last name gives you a ridiculous name for an occasion or whatever. In the past year, Osamu has been christened a handful of names by Suna Rintarou. Bambi Ridge (stripper name), The Iron Lord (villain name), Coral Dolphington (if they were in Spongebob Squarepants). And now Fuck Pole, he supposes.

“Oooo do me!” Atsumu pipes up, throwing a chip down for their attention. It lands on Suna’s head and Osamu plucks it off, popping it into his mouth with a shrug. “Five second rule.”

“ _Oooo do me_ , the title of your sex tape,” Suna says dryly. “No one wants to do you...except maybe that dude from Itachiyama.”

“The hot, scary guy with good brows and cute butt or the other one?” Atsumu asks way too eagerly.

Suna thinks for a second. “The hot one.”

“... _Nice_.”

Suna and Osamu exchange knowing glances. Atsumu’s crushes are always so painfully obvious. Hot, uninterested looking boys with dark hair? Sign him up, Atsumu is interested. Maybe the Miya twins do have a type, Suna thinks absentmindedly, side eyeing his own Miya.

“Anyways, ‘Tsumu doesn’t need a name for his dick ‘cause he already is one,” Osamu points out.

Suna nods. “True.”

From his bunk, Atsumu growls, hurling a pillow at his brother. Osamu catches it without flinching and immediately throws it back, twice as hard. There’s a muffled yelp as the pillow makes contact, nailing the blonde in the face.

“Stop acting like 12 year olds,” Suna kicks his legs in the general direction of the twins’ bunk, as if he is currently not emotionally invested in finding his friends’ dick names on the stupid bird app. It’s a perfectly mature thing to do. “Ooh, Aran-san is Long Machine.”

The twins freeze mid fight. Osamu is standing, grip loosening around his weapon of choice, re: chip bag. From the top bunk, Atsumu clings for dear life on defense, his sock clad foot pressed up against his brother’s face. “What’s Kita-san’s?” They ask simultaneously.

Suna blinks, unsurprised. He has dealt with the twins’ antics long enough to know that despite the fact that Atsumu and Osamu are very different people, the blueprint was the same. He looks back at his phone. “Kita-san’s dick name is Giant Flute.”

“Giant Flute!” Like a firecracker, the twins erupt with noise, chattering away with laughter as they both join Suna on the floor. Remnants of their fight lie forgotten, weapons turning into peace offerings as the bag of chips rests between them.

“Imma text Omi this!” Atsumu announces as he rummages through his bag for his phone.

“You go do that.” Suna leans closer to Osamu, head nudging his arm impatiently. Osamu laughs, arms wrapping around him and giving his shoulder a little squeeze. “Back to that massage then?”

“Mmm.” Suna sighs into his touch. Maybe he’ll fix his posture someday. Just not today.

Behind them, Atsumu taps at his phone in annoyance. “He left me on read! Do ya think he hates me?”

“Ya called his dick Love Meat with zero context, I’m surprised he didn’t block ya.”

“ _He left me on read_ , title of your sex tape.”

Atsumu howls. “Sunarin!”

Suna ducks, laughing as a pillow zips past his head.

**Author's Note:**

> headcanon where osamu massages suna's shoulders all the time because they're sore from his shitty posture (pls go see a chiropractor sunarin i'm begging ya) and where suna just loves memes. thanks doran for sending me the dick meme that sparked all this
> 
> if y'all wanna find your dick name [here](https://twitter.com/the_real_erwin/status/1325524352016789509?s=20) ya go~~ suna got giant tool cuz he accidentally swapped his name around
> 
> anywayys byebye ✌🏼✌🏼


End file.
